A reminder...

Today was a rough morning for me, forced to face an inevitable outcome with one of my children. As a parent, we want to protect our children and give them the best possible "normal" life we can, and then you start to realize that life doesn't always give your children all you could hope for them. So we do our best to guide them with a lot of love and give them the help and support they need to live as "normal" a life as they possibly can, right? Isn't that all we can do and should do? Meanwhile we try to keep ourselves from crumbling into pieces because we need to be strong, and our crumbling will only scare them and make them fear what you are trying so hard to help them deal with positively. And just as I have some time alone to let the avalanche fall while no one else is around to see, I stop for a moment to read my emails and come across one from Child & Family Services, an organization Wear 'n Share works with regularly. I want to share it with you below:

Friends at Wear 'N Share,

You are important to us because you believe in our work, and appreciate and understand the need for our services. For this reason, I am sharing the email, below, that was sent from one of our employees to another. It tells a very powerful story and will confirm why you support our mission.

Hi Mark,

We don’t know each other but I had to write to you. This morning, outside my office, I heard screams. When I looked out the window to see what was going on, I saw you standing near a boy. He was lying on the ground, near a stone wall. He grabbed a very large rock and a handful of dirt, and threw them at your face. I held my breath. I was appalled by his behavior and fearful about how you would respond.

Things then moved quickly – you stepped closer; he threw more dirt in your face; you tossed your keys and cell phone out of your pocket; he kicked you and threw rocks at you; he tried to take off his shirt and you did all you could to keep it on him. He wasn't a small boy – he was strong and angry and fighting with everything he had. You were both on the ground, dirty and bleeding. Suddenly it occurred to me that one of the things you were doing was keeping him safe – from himself. You were protecting him from hitting his head on the stone wall.

Within a few minutes a woman approached, with a cup in her hand. When he saw her, things began to slow down. He accepted the cup and ate what was in it. It looked like ice.

As he ate, you didn't express concern for your dirty clothes, the bruises I am certain he gave you, or the craziness of what just happened. You knelt next to the boy, rubbed his back, wiped the dirt and leaves off his clothes, and talked to him. And while you did all that, I was wiping the tears from my face. I was moved by your compassion, and embarrassed that I thought the worst of him, and you.

Once he was calm, you walked away, together. You had your hand placed on his shoulder, not to control him but to let him know you were there for him.

As I watched the entire scene unfold, my emotions ran the gamut - I feared for you; I was angry at him; I questioned what he’d been through to make him behave that way; and I felt so sad that the entire thing had happened. However in the end, I was completely overwhelmed by your presence of mind and capabilities. I wish everyone associated with our agency – donors, board, leadership, volunteers – saw what I saw today. They’d feel the same.

I think what you did was incredible on a professional level, but also on a human level. I am so grateful he has you and everyone else at Child & family Services to understand him, respond to his behaviors appropriately and then – above all else – accept and respect him. You, and the entire front line staff at this agency, have my complete admiration and appreciation for your patience, dedication and kindness.

And, I’m crying again.

Here's some background information on the boy in this email... eleven year old Jayden is cared for at our Conners Children’s Center. Like most children at Conners, he was neglected and/or abused by adults meant to care for him. His parents' rights were terminated in 2008 and they have not been involved in his life since. As a result, he feels unwanted. He's understandably very angry and lives with shame, hurt and guilt.

This very heavy burden has made Jayden extremely anxious and agitated, and he is in a constant state of turmoil. When he feels he has been pushed to the brink, he has outbursts and sometimes becomes violent toward himself or others. He is simply unable to calm himself or control his actions. He has been diagnosed as being severely emotionally disturbed.

Fortunately, because of you, Conners Children’s Center is here for Jayden. Conners provides structured, 24 hour treatment to help children experience success and happiness. Children are treated with respect and dignity, and made to feel special, often for the first time in their lives. They are involved in healthy relationships and have positive role models, like Mark, in their lives.

Through counseling and other activities the children learn appropriate behaviors and self-control. They establish calming choices - courses of action that soothe them - such as listening to music, coloring, taking a walk or playing a sport. One of Jayden’s calming choices is ice. When he is upset, he becomes uncomfortably warm, which is why he was trying to remove his shirt. A cup of ice helps him to re-focus, cool himself and regain his self-control.

You’ve made things better for Jayden. While he still has a long road ahead of him, he is now in a safe and supportive place, learning important life skills and experiencing success.

Wear 'n Share has spent many days bringing clothing to the children at Conners. In addition to our regular role to provide clothing for individuals who need help, we also have helped them by contributing over 80 white t-shirts for their kids to paint on during the summer, and we've brought bags of baseball caps to keep the sun off their faces while they played outside- doesn't seem like much for an average person, but this can be a luxury item for some, just like socks and underwear.

So when I read this email about this 11 year old boy, only one year older than my son, I was so touched and thought, where were Jayden's parents when he needed them the most? Where are they now? And then I realized I am doing enough for my son, just by being here for him to answer the questions he may have, to support him in his journey, and just to love him, the most important gift we can give our children. And I was also reminded of how through Wear 'n Share we have helped so many kids like Jayden, and likely even Jayden himself, through our clothing donations. We may not be able to give him the love and support of parents, and thank God for Child & Family Services who are doing their best to give him that, but maybe even the littlest bit, we are helping him to feel that someone cares, many someones really, by giving him a soft sweater or a warm winter coat, or even a baseball cap.

So as tough as my day has started out, I've been sent a little reminder that it's going to be okay. I am grateful to be here for my son, and I am grateful to be able to do the work I do to be there for other sons and daughters, maybe on a smaller scale, but still making an impact on their lives. Thank you God, for reminding me.